Showing posts with label You Need This. Show all posts
Showing posts with label You Need This. Show all posts

Monday, April 18, 2016

ColourPop VS NYX: Battle Of The Bargain Brows

Being on a makeup budget can be a real rude bitch.  

I will eat some Top Ramen like a Mike Tyson-level champ, but I refuse to walk around with brows that are less than bangin'. In a perfect world, I'd be swimming in women and Brow Wiz pencils, but that's just fiscally irresponsible for my low-rent lifestyle. Dreaming may be free, but Anastasia products sure as shit aren't, so I need cheaper options.

Luckily, there are some brow pencils under $10 (!!!) that will give that MF-ing high-dollar angel of a Brow Wiz a run for her money.  Let's explore two contenders: the ColourPop Brow Pencil and the NYX Micro Brow Pencil.

NYX Micro Brow Pencil in "Taupe" (Ulta, $9.99) has been a recent ride-or-die for me. It's SUPER similar to the Brow Wiz "Taupe" in color, size, and texture. It's also has similar cons, in that I can run through one of these puppies in a month-ish. But at less than half the cost, I can still live worth living. Kind of.

I've compared both of the guys we're discussing with a basic-ass pen so you can get an idea of the size of the brow stroke happenings. The NYX is a little thinner, and both have spoolies on the opposite end of the pencil. The NYX product is retractable, and the ColourPop isn't. Womp womp.

ColourPop is pretty new to the brow game, and as a giant GD ColourPop stan, I was dying to try some of their brow offerings. Especially for $5.

Sadly, I'm not loving this pencil. My first issue is that "Dope Taupe" isn't really taupe-y. It's more medium brown-y. It's a warmer tone and darker than I ever really want in an eyebrow pencil. YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT THIS

But my biggest issue with the CP pencil is its texture. It's a little too creamy for my tastes (BRB vomiting), so its lasting power is diminished, like my willpower around an open bag of Ruffles chips. Those friggin' salty ridges, man. It's also a tad thicker (heh), so application is a little harder to control.

I will say that a lot of this shit is just personal preference, so I'm giving you just the facts, ma'am (or sir). ColourPop IS half the price, so file that away in your gorgeous little filofax of a brain as you wish. (Full disclosure -- I'm not really sure what a filofax is, but I feel like all of the 9 to 5 bad bitches had one and I'm trying to be cool.)

For my pennies, I'm going with the NYX pencil. I'd rather give up my chips. (That is a lie.)

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Tuesday, November 10, 2015

10 Bad B*tch Beauty Products Under $10

I LOVE some cheap-ass-ness, but only if it's good cheap-ass-ness. No one is into a crappy beauty product, whether it costs two cents or two billion cents. Sorry for 2004.

With this in mind, I put together a list of some of my favorite stuff I haven't necessarily beaten you over the head with (AKA my Maybelline Brow Pencils in Blonde), and that all cost less than one thousand pennies.

1. L'Oreal Mega Moisture Nurturing Creme 

I did a post on L'Oreal Mega Moisture Nurturing Creme as one of my first acts of blogging a million years ago, and I'm still on its jock. Full disclosure -- the price of this (with a Sally's card) is $10.29, but C'MON.

It's basically ten bucks.

I have never used a more moisturizing conditioner than this mutha. And it smells like a damn fruit-bearing flower, in the best and most fragrant way. AND it makes your hair shimmer and shine like a brand new Crystal Pepsi. Refreshing.

2. ColourPop Lippie Stix

ColourPop Lippie Stix are one of those products that (along with 99% of other life things) I don't really understand. "Bichette," the red beauty reclined like a Degas lady in front, is one of my favorite lipsticks on this planet and it costs FIVE MF-ing DOLLARS. FIVE. How is this real? And, also, how long do house flies live? 

See, there are a lot of things I don't understand, but mostly how these lipsticks are $5. And how gravity works.

3. Maybelline Lash Sensational Mascara

I used to be pretty snobby about mascara, especially when it came to Maybelline. I was like, "Great Lash? More like No Thanks Lash." (I'm really great at word play.) That was until I tried Maybelline Lash Sensational and fell the eff in love. 

I've gone through two tubes of this magical, inky goodness that somehow lengthens and really brings the volume heat, and loved every minute. I recently branched out and tried a new mascara, because that's kind of what I'm supposed to be doing here, and it's FINE, but I miss this stuff. A lot. I'm going back. That is all.

4. Ardell Demi Wispies Lashes

Don't judge the grossness of the lashes above. I've used them ten to twenty times and haven't thrown them out, because I'm a cheap-ass scrub.

These might just be my favorite lashes, and that you can get four friggin' sets for $9.99 from Ulta might be a large part of my infatuation with them. I also like that you don't have to treat them like a delicate princess of a flower -- you can do dumb shit like put mascara on over them -- unlike the expensive and ethically-shed mink bitches I also own. I just always seem to come back to these. They're easy, cheap, and don't have the constitution of a Victorian lady. And if these things go sideways (literally or figuratively) YOU CAN THROW THEM OUT.

5. L'Oreal Brow Stylist Plumper

I bought this L'Oreal Brow Stylist Plumper in Medium to Dark without even knowing what it was all about. I was really just curious about it, and also have a strong desire to hold all of the world's brow products in my wine-stained paws.

It apparently has tiny fibers in it to mimic brow hairs or some shit. I don't know what the hell is going on in that tube, but I'm into it. It's like a non-crunchy tinted brow gel that also makes your brows look a little thicker. Please reference above, where I don't understand how these things work.

6. Batiste Dry Shampoo

My scalp oil knows no limits. It could be an alternate energy source.

Having a dry shampoo on hand every-friggin-second is a necessity, and Batiste Dry Shampoo (in a million varieties) is the only one I really care to have. It doesn't smell horrible, actually works, and doesn't leave a crime scene of powder all over your hair and scalp. This is that shit. Get it.

7. Floss Gloss Polish

Floss Gloss Nail Lacquers are hands down (har har) my favorite nail polishes. The colors are dope and they don't have the bad shit in them. I've never met a FG polish that I wasn't completely obsessed with.

I'm going to be featuring one of their newer shades (it's in the pic above and I LOVE IT and I bet you can guess which one) in a video on my current favorite stuff, which will probably be filmed in 2056 because I'm reliable.

8. Palmer's Cocoa Butter

I recently told the tale of how I first fell in love with Palmer's Cocoa Butter almost twenty years ago. It's an ongoing and devoted saga, because it's still my ride-or-die choice when it comes to moisturizing.

And my newest cocoa-scented discovery is that Palmers with SPF is even better. It smells even more chocolate-y, while allowing my vampiric tendencies to flourish. I'm basically Count Chocula.

9. Not Your Mother's Dry Finish Texture Spray

Although this texture spray is not my FAVORITE favorite, that's reserved for Bumble and bumble Dryspun Finish, this is by far my favorite drugstore hair score. My friend Shauna (who has fantastic hair) told me I had to try this, and she was not lying. This stuff is good. Just don't get too loosey goosey with the spray job -- too much will give you cotton candy hair.

10. NYX Soft Matte Lip Cream

NYX Soft Matte Lip Cream is straight-up fantastic. "London," the homie up front, is my go-to for all of my nude lip needs. It's beige-y and not orange. The formula is matte without being drying and crinkly. It's everything I want in life.

I got a Facebook message from someone a couple months ago that was like, "HELP, I'M AT TARGET AND I NEED A GREAT CHEAP LIPSTICK ALSKDJFLKAJF." And I was all, "This shit right here."And that's how it always goes. I'll tell random shoppers, too. I'm annoying.

And there are all of my secret (and not so secret) cheap-ish favorites. I am spent, but my money ain't.

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Friday, May 8, 2015

Drugstore Darlings: Let's Chickity-Check Out NYC Expert Last Lip Color Matte

I love to be a cheap-ass whenever possible. Don't get me wrong, I'll spend that dough when necessary, but I love few things more than finding a pretty bomb drugstore beauty product. ESPECIALLY WHEN IT'S UNDER TWO FRIGGIN' DOLLARS, MAN.

So, when I got an email about these new NYC Expert Last Lip Color Matte deals, I begged them to send me a few and see what they were all about. BECAUSE I SAID UNDER TWO DOLLARS, YA FREAKS. This is quite exciting.

Quick note -- I apologize right of the bat that my arm swatch is not matched up with the lipstick tube lineup. It's annoying. Whaddadick. To make up for it, I offer this to you as a condolence:

I think it's a pretty fair trade.

Now, let's get on with the lipstick talk.

Here are the colors I received, applied on an acutal human mug. I really liked all of the shades quite a bit. I was a tad unsure on the mauve, maybe because my brain cells are opposed to the word mauve (thanks, 1992), but after seeing it in the picture, I actually like the pastel-iness of it.

This is a long-wear lipstick, and the formula is touted as a matte satin. Or maybe a satin matte. This is the one dispute I have with this guy. It's not matte. It's satin. Which is absolutely fine in my book of things that are fine, but it needs to be noted.

As far as the long-wear thing goes, it wears very nicely, and for a long time. It didn't feather or bleed at all. It's just not one of those eat/drink/makeout with a basketball team/smoke strawberry hookahs, and it won't come off, kind of long wears. It comes off on whatever you put your mouth upon (heh), but you're still left with plenty of lipstick. Just ask my swatched forearm.

Overall, if you're in need of a Pretty Ricky pretty lippie for UNDER TWO DAMN DOLLARS (okay, I guess you get it), with a satiny finish that wears like a dream, this baby is for you.

This is also for you.

Don't act like it's not. He like, "Look at me, I'm a big, dumb hooman thing."

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Monday, December 8, 2014

Bronzy Beauts: My Favorite Shimmery Neutral Shadows At Every Price

I love a bronze eye on basically every-damn-one. It's one of those pretty universally flattering shades, regardless of skin tone/hair/eye color/friggin' astrological sign/whatever. It's just a go-to deal for me -- if I find myself in one of those what-am-I-even-doing-with-a-face-today moods, I throw on a bronze-ish eyeshadow and move on to not caring about another topic.

Because I have really been on that bronze train for the long-haul, I've come across my fair share of great shadows. So here is a complete roundup of my favorites, with bonus picks, because I'm indecisive like woah.

The Super-Power (Susan) Powders

My pick for high-end shadow is probably the eyeshadow I use more than anything else on this silly ol' planet, and that is Smog from the OG Urban Decay Naked Palette ($54). You can also buy it solo ($18), if that tickles your fancy more specifically. The lighting on this picture is half-shitty, so just take my word for it when I tell you that Smog is bronze with a dash of olive. It's perfect, in my eyes. And on my eyes.

For a drugstore shadow, I've chosen the nameless bronze (it's the fourth one over on the top row) from the Maybelline The Nudes Palette ($10). The shade of this dude is very similar to Smog, and the texture is pretty solid. It's just a little less silky than some of the more expensive brands. For the price, I can totally live with it. I'm not THAT much of a princess. This is still good shit.

I also chose two runners-up for powder shadows, and it seems that both of these cats may or may not be discontinued.

Baroque from the Kat Von D True Romance Palette seems to be completely gone from the Sephora website (RIP), and the Revlon PhotoReady Graffiti shadows seem to be only available on Amazon. Well, a day late and a dollar short are kind of my life themes, so at least I'm consistent?

If you do seem to happen upon either of these shadows, they're both more of a "true bronze" than the other two. If that's a thing. 

 I Don't Think You're Ready For This Gel(y)

So, remember 3.6 seconds ago when everything was discontinued and I sucked? Apparently my selection for the best high-end gel shadow, the Make Up For Ever Aqua Shadows, are also discontinued. MUFE sent me some of these gel shadow pencils a while back, AND I LOVE THEM. Looks like I'll be taking up hoarding.

Luckily, it looks like the Aqua Shadows have been replaced with the Aqua Matic ($21), and this Satiny Warm Brown shade looks really similar to the old-school #22E bronze baby. So I'm not THE WORST the worst. Just almost.

For a more affordable gel-ish option, I really can't get enough of ColourPop in Game Face ($5). It's the bronziest of the bronze, and has a liquid metal finish. It also costs less than a Venti large coffee from Starbucks. So pretty much "Gimme (Gimme) More" was written about these shadows. I need them all.

My honorable mention goes to Maybelline Color Tattoo in Bad to the Bronze ($6.99). This almost has more of a golden taupe hue, so it's a little cooler-toned. Color Tattoo shadows are really pretty badass, because they last FOREVER. Like, I had trouble washing the swatch off of my arm levels of forever. If you have trouble with your shadow lasting all day, this will change your damn life.

life-changing makeup moment
Okay, that's it. I've exhausted my bronze shadow files. If you have others that you think I need to try, let my ass know. I clearly can never have enough. And on that note...


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Tuesday, December 10, 2013

The Best Beauty Unicorns You Could Possibly Buy For Under $13

Thirteen is a random ass number to choose, I'm super aware. I wanted to try to keep this sh*t under $10, but there are some products that I really wanted to include, and they were a teensy bit over the ten spot mark. Get off my jock; I do what I want.

The Best Products to Get Those Peepers Poppin' Off Like Champagne Bottles.

You guys will have non mf-ing factor levels of surprise when I tell you that Maybelline Expert Eyes Twin Brow & Eye Pencils in Blonde (, $2.99 for two pack) is my number one pick. I literally talk about these things all the time. People are like, "Hey Sex, what time is it?" And I'm all, "You really should try these Maybelline brow pencils, then your brows will always be on time." ZING! (With bonus points for a light Ashanti/Ja Rule reference.)

I recommend blonde to every-damn-body, regardless of hair color, then darkening up with eyeshadow or brow powder if necessary. The only exception are m'ladies with darker skin tones. Opt for one of the slightly darker pencils in that case.

Runner Up: I am creeper-levels into the new L'Oreal Paris Voluminous Butterfly Mascara (Target, $7.99). It's like my old school homegirl L'Oreal Voluminous on 'roids. Try it. It's the sauciest minx.

Bonus Bonus: Jesus take the wheel, I can't stop telling you about eye stuffs. I have to mention the SEPHORA COLLECTION Waterproof Smoky Cream Liner (Sephora, $12), or I would be the queen of the b-words and a total liar face. This is the PERFECT formula for that annoying ass waterline lining, and the price is right, beyotch.

Skin as Smooth as Silk in This Mean Mug.

There are few things that I love more than a sumptuous ass body oil that doesn't smell like an infant, and SheaMoisture Argan Oil & Raw Shea Bath, Body & Massage Oil (Target, $10.29) beyond fits the bill. It's really, really moisturizing and smells like a freshly-bathed hippie.

That's one of the positives of this stuff, just in case it was unclear.

Runner Up: If I need even MORE moisture on my skin organ (bleh), I always use Palmer's Cocoa Butter (CVS, $6.29). ALWAYS. It's like butter in a bottle that smells vaguely chocolatey. Like you've been frolicking along the Willy Wonka chocolate river, and somehow your skin has been replaced by the velvet from Violet's dress.

The BEST Bad B Nail Polish.

If you are ever feeling slightly blah-like, Floss Gloss in Stun (Floss Gloss, $8) on your finger guns is the cure. It's like a disco ball got it on with the yellow brick road. There is not a better glitter polish in this galaxy. Trust.

Runner Up: Whenever I'm feeling like Lil' Kim circa 1997 and I need my fingernails to match my mood, I get all up on Wicked from Essie (Essie, $8.50). It's a really deep and dark burgundy that gives zero effs about anything. For badasses only.

Give Yourself a Clean Slate.

Just in case you didn't get the latest newsletter from Lazies News of The World, I'm crazy lazy. Because of this character weakness, I really love to use Koh Gen Do Cleansing Spa Water (Sephora, $13) to clean up the mess that is my day's makeup after it's curtains on the day. This stuff is insanely gentle on your skin and causes exactly 0.0000 irritation. It's for the times I can't really be held responsible for actually washing my face like an actual adult.

Runner Up: When it comes to cleansing face wipes, I'm really about that Burt's Bees Facial Cleansing Towelettes with White Tea Extract (, $4.49) life. They get the job done while being gentle as baby cherub wing kisses.

Getting a Whole Lotta Lip Service.

If bold and beautiful lips are your goal in life, then CoverGirl Lip Perfection Lipstick in Spellbound (, $7.49) needs to get in your makeup bag, STAT. It's the kind of lip color that people will stop you mid-brunched out mimosa sip and ask you where the hell you got that lipstick.

Runner Up: Looking for the lip equivalent of a hot pair of nude heels? Then you really need to get on the L'Oreal Colour Riche in Sheer Linen (Target, $7.99) bandwagon. (Surely, one exists.) It's moisturizing as eff, while giving you that whole "your lips, but better" deal.

Now go enjoy getting your beauty on for the cheapness, and save that change in your pocket for more wine times.

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Monday, September 30, 2013

RuPaul Just Rocked My Damn World With MAC's Viva Glam (The Original) Lipstick.

I really went to MAC the other day to just check out what the what was with that RiRi collection, and maybe to see what those Retro Matte 'sticks were all about. But when my ass was in there, one of the MAC girls told me about RuPaul's OG Viva Glam being back, and how IT WAS A MATTE BURGUNDY RED, and my ass was sold faster than fried pickles (to me). Even though I ALREADY have an effing red lip that I love. I'm such a dumb dumb sucker...for every damn thing.

mac viva glam, $15

via pandoraboxx
Oh, but that's not even all the good good, baby bubba


This sh*t lasts a crazy long time. Like, almost as long as the terrible one-ply toilet paper I bought at a convenience store three weeks ago. (Why won't it end? WHY?) My lips lasted through an entire shift at work, even through eating and drinking (I do a lot of that mess), with very little fading.

my typical work day, IN MY DREAMS.
PLUS, it's not drying, and doesn't get weird and pill-y like pretty much all the for real long wear lipsticks. It's pretty much perfection in a stick.

Thanks, Ru.

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Tuesday, July 23, 2013

THE ROYAL BABY IS HERE, So Let's Use Baby Products to Look Hot.


I mean, yaaaayyy, and everything, but what it really got me thinking...

"If babies are born, and you have to buy a lot of sh*t for them, can you then use that sh*t for beauty purposes?" - Low Rent Carrie Bradshaw

johnson's baby shampoo, $3.99 at target
Baby shampoo is kind of a boss b*tch, yo. You can use it for a ton of things. My favorite use is for cleaning makeup brushes. Because, well, those sh*ts are made from animal hair...and this is a shampoo. It's gentle, so it won't eff up your brushes, but it will still remove gross oils and makeup gunk.

Bonus: Another great use for this mess is an alternative to shaving cream, which I personally hate. Because baby shampoo is so mild, it won't strip or irritate your skin, and it provides lots of glide (heh) for the razor.

johnson's baby powder, $2.44 at target
Baby powder is like the super OG dry shamps. Back a million years ago when I looked like this:

I could not LIVE without baby powder. My hair was super fragile (effing obviously), so I tried to wash it less, and baby powder was my jammiest jam that's ever jammed. Plus, it's the cheapest dry shampoo that's ever sopped up hair oil. Bottom line, unless you have dark hair, you need this sh*t in your life for $2.

Bonus: You also use b. powds to but the kibosh on foot stank when you're wearing shoes without socks. Fresh to death in this b.

shea moisture organic raw shea butter baby oil rub, $10.29 at target
Full disclosure, here. I've never used this specific baby oil, BUT I'M TOTALLY BUYING IT ASAP. Because here's my baby oil deal -- I love that sh*t to use instead of a body lotion. BUT, I hate the smell, and I'm not fond of rubbing mineral oil all over my skin, because I don't even know what the eff it is. So both of those issues are solved with this baby oil, and I almost want to have a baby so it's not weird for me to buy the ish out of this stuff.

Bonus: Baby oil is also great for removing pain in the ass eye makeup. Just swipe it on with a cotton ball, then follow up by washing your face like normal.

Look out, ROYAL BABY, because we're coming for your damn beauty products.

Hide yo' powders, hide yo' 'poos. But not your POOS poos. We don't want those, Josie Grossie.

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Tuesday, July 16, 2013

I've Been Hoarding an Awesome Eyeshadow Palette Like a Total B Face.

When I tell you guys that I'm the worst, I'm not just being hyperbolic. Like, I am literally the worst at all things. I've had a really badass eyeshadow palette for like two months, and using it on the reg, like almost every day, and I haven't said sh*t. And that's like my job(ish).

But, LOOK. I'm trying to fix it. So let me effin' do this already.

Smashbox's Photo Op Eyeshadow Palette in Softbox II, $39
When Smashbox sent me their Photo Op Palette in Softbox II a while back, I knew it would be my jam immediately. It's a great mix of matte shadows and shimmery ish, and it's neutral, so my old ass won't look like a damn tween. (Not that there's anything wrong with being a tween. Or a twink. I'm just jealous that I'm not either.)

Here's a sh*tty-ish up close look at the colors. I literally like them all, which is super rare for me when it comes to palettes. I'm usually meh-ing the f*ck out over at least a couple of them. In my "everyday eye" look I've got happening above, I'm using all of the shadows but juniper. I have bare as my base shadow/under the brow deal. I used truffle from the crease to the lash line, then sumatra under my eye and in the crease. I then blended it out a little with russet. I finished by using a little sandstorm in the inner corner and inner lid. It's a pretty natural look, and a touch smoky. But not in a too slutty for daytime kind of deal.

Bottom line -- bee's knees, cat's pajamas, giraffe's fishnet stockings, butterfly's fancy hat, this palette is the sh*t. You can ch-ch-check it out for your own damn self here.

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