Video: I Got Botox Today

I'm not shy about my Botox use, and I got injected today. Let's get all up in it.

I'm just working on these frown lines, honey. And this night cheese.

















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Weird Makeup Inspo: Scary Stories To Tell In The Dark

I recently bought the Are You Afraid of the Dark trilogy, because how could I not, and also...

Reading these books again really brought me back to being a weird kid, reenacting the stories in front of my Stepmom's video camera. Especially my literal ride-or-die (it's basically all horseback riding) story, "Cold as Clay."

In tribute, I did a non-scary eye look inspired by this two-paged tale of terror. Okay, terror is way too strong. Curiosity? Whatever, watch if you're into it.




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Semi-Tipsy Talks: How To Deal With An Ugly Day

Life ain't all sunshine and unicorn manes, especially when it comes to how you feel about yourself. Here's a (kind of) Tipsy Talk (the first!) about how to deal with an ugly day.

But really just a little. 


 


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Miley Cyrus' New Music Video Is Grossing Me The Eff Out

Miley, what's good? Not this.

I don't even really HATE hate the song -- I can deal-ish with it. What I can't handle is the actual visuals of the video, where Destiny Hope Cyrus dumps a bunch of different shit all over her face and then spits it out. Sometimes it's in slo-mo, sometimes it reversed, but it's gross all the ways.

I don't want to see your tonsils, homie. With or without milk coating them.

 
And is glitter even safe to have all up in your mouth like that? I can't think about it anymore. I'm getting nauseated and I need a major palate cleanser.

Okay, that should be sufficient. Sweet dreams.




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The Lazy Diaries: The Easiest Tool To Curl Your Hair AKA The Beachwaver

Hey, have you heard? I'm lazy as shit. In this episode of the Lazy Diaries, I cover Sarah Potempa's Beachwaver, the easiest tool to curl human hair. And probably horse hair, but I haven't tried that.

You can buy it a few places, including Ulta (you can use a coupon on it, too!) and even Target. I bought mine here from Birchbox, and used a 20% off newbie person promo code (I just googled to find one).

Via la laziness!




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My New Favorites

Here's a little compilation of everything I'm into right now. It's all over the spectrum, so hang onto your bonnet, Laura Ingalls Wilder.

P.S. Do I use LIW references too much? If yes, please pen me a letter on the first page of your copy of Little House on the Prairie.

If no, watch this gif one billion times.




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Tipsy Tutorials: The World's Worst Smokey Eye

Well, some people asked for a new Tipsy Tutorial video, and boy did you ever get one. Enjoy my steep, steep decline. And if you've ever wondered what kind of drunk I am, apparently the answer is sad. Very, very sad.

Please just watch this glamorous person instead. I need a piece of burger.













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The Britney Spears "Pretty Girls" Music Video Is Here (Oh, and Wiggy Gardenia Is In It, Too)

Okay, so Wiggy Gardenia is actually my dog's stage name. Iggy Azalea is the one on this track, but I think Wiggy would have been a solid choice. Plus, she has a better acting range than Iggs.

We need to get real about this video. Brit Brit's weave situation changes THREE TIMES without so much as one outfit switch. Who in eff's sake was wig wrangling on this set? (My money is on either Jayden James or Daddy Spears.)

P.S. If that shot on the left isn't the cover of a late-'90s porn video, I know nothing about anything. 

I'm actually kind of into the Earth Girls are Easy vibe of the whole thing, but JESUS GOD, what are these speaking parts? No one should be talking in this shit. No one. Not even you, lavender lipstick and earrings/bang deal girl. No one.

But especially not Iggy. Her whole, "I can turteelaaay fux it fur yeeeeew," and also the, "Laht me call yewr fran," made my brain quit this bitch and fall out of my ear hole. I first typed whole, so you know that it's true. She sounds like a German person doing an impression of an Australian person doing a Valley Girl accent.

On a positive note, at least Brit was excited for her alien abduction.

Take me, too, aliens. Take me, too.

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It's Time For Another Chance To Win The Allure Sample Society Box

If you're in the mood to get some free ish, watch this video for your chance to win an April Allure Sample Society box. Then, click back over to the OG video and leave a comment. If you've got your lucky winning pants on, maybe you can cop one of these babies!





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Allure Insiders Outrageous Beauty: The Seaweed Wrap

What happens when you slather yourself up with seaweed at the Elizabeth Arden Red Door Spa? Watch my latest installment of Outrageous Beauty to find out.





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Allure Insiders Get The Look: Game Of Thrones Khaleesi

Did you watch Game of Thrones the other night? Were you all, "the eff is going on?" or was it just me? There are so many damn characters on that show that I sometimes can't keep up.

One character I can keep up with is that gorgeous-ass Khaleesi. So, of course, I had to do a GoT hair and makeup tutorial inspired by her. Because I want to ride around on dragons. Or something.

Watch if you're so inclined. You know how I do.




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The Could-Have-Been-A-Snapchat Video Of The Day: Let's Do Fitness

This is what I did today. Watch if you're so inclined. If not, I totally understand. My life is bullshit.




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Want To Win The March Allure Sample Society Box?

If you want to get your mitts on this month's Sample Society box, first watch this video. (Don't worry, I tried to keep it short.) Then go read all the rules and such and leave comment on the OG YouTube video.

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Allure Insiders Get The Look: Madonna's "Ray Of Light"

Madonna's latest album came out last week, so I had to celebrate in the only way that I know how; with a hair and makeup ode to the queen.

If you're into Madonna in her "Ray of Light" years (see what I did there?), check this out.



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Allure Insiders Outrageous Beauty: The Rock 'n' Roll Massage

I don't do well with massages. I'm super uncomfortable and talk the whole time and pretty much make everyone involved feel weird.

But for this months' Outrageous Beauty, I GOT A DAMN MASSAGE. Did I survive? Did I act like a creep? Is there a shot of my tramp stamp? All of these answers and more on this video. Watch if you're into it.



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SNL Making Fun Of Baby Bieber Is The Best Thing They've Done In Years

Very few things bring me more joy than watching Kate McKinnon bring the hardcore douchey-baby-vibes with her Justin Bieber impression, and this is her masterpiece. This is the GD Mona Lisa of faux Bieb-ing.

"Yo, my pee-pee's in there," is my new mantra. I'm going to chant it in yoga and shit. While wearing a codpiece.

And just in (Justin? Sorry.) case this is too Bieber-adjacent for your tastes and you need to get the stank off, here's your palette cleanser.

You know I never leave you on a shitty Justin Bieber note.




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Who Wants To Win Something Up In Here?

Allure is giving away some of their January Sample Society boxes. If you want to see what's inside that bad little baby and how to win, watch this vid.

What would you do if I said "WINNING!" right now? You better say you would slap me. Bonus points if you said slap me with Amal Clooney's white satin '90s prom gloves from the Golden Globes.



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Allure Insiders Get The Look: GIRLS Character Mashup

This week is the premiere of HBO's GIRLS fourth season. I'm pretty excited, because I love the extreme levels of selfishness of everyone on this show. It's fantastic. And makes me feel good about myself. Selfish.

So for this months' Get the Look video, I decided to do a mashup look of all of the characters. Plus, you can peep my amazing acting skills. AND vocal stylings.

Sorry, Earth.





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Double-Duty Beauty: The 5 Product Face

I friggin' love using double-duty beauty products. Whenever you can use something for more than one purpose, that's a good-ass deal. So I decided to make a video using only five products, and using four of those things for two things...shit, that's confusing.

Just watch the video (if you want). It will all (kind of) make sense. I'm also posting all of the products that I used below the video, just in case you're in an anti-video jail, or at your Gam Gam's, or something, and can't watch.

Here are the details, for you non-watchers:

Product #1 -- Kat Von D Lock-It Tattoo Foundation in Light 48 on my face. (Uhhh doy)
Product #2 -- Urban Decay Eyeshadow in Naked on my eyes and brows.
Product #3 -- Benefit Hoola Bronzer under my cheekbones, on hairline, and dusted across nose and jawline. Also on the crease of my lids.
Product #4 -- Makeup Academy Color Intense Lipstick in #258 Pansy is the ol' lips and also used as a cream blush.
Product #5 -- L'Oreal Voluminous Miss Manga Mascara in Blackest Black is used on a flat brush as a baby eyeliner and as a mascara, of course.

Do you have any double-duty makeup products? Tell me all the things.



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Win A December Sample Society Box From Allure

I know that it's the holidays and you're busy thinking about other people (BORING) and being all nice and crap, but why not take a couple of minutes and do something for your own damn self?

If you want to cop this month's Allure Sample Society box for free, watch this video and follow the instructions from the YouTube description box. That's it! Now you can go back to whatever crazy-ass holiday schedule you're currently enduring.


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