My Three Favorite Mascaras Right This Minute

I'm a pretty fickle sister when it comes to mascara. I rarely am all, "Damn, I love this mofo!" But, I currently feel that way about THREE mascaras. Don't slut-shame me.

Watch and let me know if you feel the same. Or other ones I need to try. I'm always open to adding more to my repertoire. (I'm wiggling my eyebrows in a creepy way right now.)




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I Attempted Beauty Extreme Couponing And Kind Of Sucked (With Quick Product Reviews)

Sometimes I have high hopes for myself in life. These are rare bursts of positivity, but they do happen occasionally. Most recently, I decided that I could save shitloads of money on beauty products through couponing. (Yeah, I had just watching that gluttonous terror of a show Extreme Couponing, but whatever.)

So I ripped out a sad sack stack of coupons and went to CVS. They were having a buy one, get one half off sale on a lot of the cosmetics, so I thought I could save more that way. That's how you do these kinds of deals, right? Right???

Well, I effed up right off the bat.

I found the Sally Hansen Color Foil polish that I've been looking for for a couple months, and it was zero percent off with exactly zero coupons. It was $7.79, and I had to have it. I think that you can tell that I'm going to suck a big one at couponing. (Blatant foreshadowing alert.)

Before I move on to my other coupon happenings, let's talk about this polish. Basically, I wanted a unicorn, and I got a horse with wearing a party hat. Which is still cool and shit, just not slap-someone-across-the-face-with-white-satin-gloves-due-to-excitement cool. I really wanted this polish to be ridiculously shiny. Like, I could catch light and sear people's eyeballs with my nail beds, shiny. Maybe even do it to myself accidentally, then be forced to wear a badass eyepatch, like I've always wanted. That didn't happen. It's pretty much a touch shinier than the Revlon Top Speed Polish in Sterling.

But here's the bigger issue -- because the instructions tell you not to use a base or top coat, this shit is already scratched. And I painted my nails, like, three hours ago. But, it did dry really friggin' fast.

Don't get it twisted after all of my light-to-moderate bitching, I still like the polish, and will totally use it. Just don't expect to cry tears of joy when you see our wedding announcement in the New York Times. I probably won't even send it a Garfield valentine.

Now let's get back to the point of this whole freaking post. I DID actually end up using a couple coupons. I had a $1 off any Maybelline lip product, so I went with the Maybelline Sensational Lipcolor in  Deepest Cherry, which was $7.99 originally. After the coupon and $1.50 in Extra Care bucks I had, the final price came to $5.49. Meh. 

I was actually pleasantly surprised with the texture of this lipstick. It's creamy and moisturizing, but not feather-y, and it doesn't wear off in a weird and blotchy way, but the pigmentation is pretty mediocre. When I picked the shade, I was expecting a deep-ass wine-y/black cherry/(Ron) burgundy color, and when applied, it's more of a berry/raisin/sangria. I'm not mad at it, but, once again, I'm not filled with a burning lust. It's nice. It's fine. Whatever.

All of the Maybelline cosmetics were part of that whole buy one, get one half off sale that I was blathering on about earlier, so I still had to pick another product. I also had a $3 off any Maybelline Dream something-or-other product, so I grabbed the Maybelline Dream Bouncy Blush in Peach Satin, which had a retail price of $7.79. So, after the 50% off thing and the coupon, I paid $.89 for this mofo. Yay-ish!

I like this stuff. I'm not a cream blush connoisseur, due to my oily gross-assness, but this has more of a gel-like texture. It wears well, and didn't make my skin feel significantly more like a greasy bag o' french fries. The color choices are pretty, and it's easy to apply: just dab it on with one of your digits, and go fly a kite or something, I don't know your life. The biggest drawback is that, after using it just once, I feel like I have already used a lot of the product. The dome-y part is already indented, so it's not going to last a hella long time at this rate. Be warned, at al.

Here's the bottom line of my non-extreme couponing non-extravaganza -- I saved $9.40 and spent about $20 on a measly-ass three items. File that shit under "not impressive" in your filing cabinet, and lock it up tight. The sad thing is that I also had a couple of Rimmel coupons, but I only wanted some of those badass Kate Moss lipsticks, and those weren't included. I also had a L'Oreal coupon that I found crumpled up in the bottom of my purse when I got home. So, I clearly I'm the actual worst at trying to be fiscally responsible, and I won't be quitting my day job. If I had a real, adult-like, full-time day job. Iyanla, fix my damn life.




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Drugstore Darlings: Let's Check Out The Maybelline The Nudes Palette

Gather around for a very important storytime, kids. There was once a lady that loved makeup a little too much for her own good. And sometimes when a person really, really wants to find a palette that they think they'll love on their eyeball lids, they will drive to eight friggin' different drugstores to find said palette. Especially when the palette seems super-affordable and dreamy. And when the lady was united with the palette, she was happy.

THE END. JK! That's just the beginning. And I'm a horrible storyteller. And it's probably slightly inappropriate to tell kids a story about anything called "The Nudes." Keep the youths away from me.

I was pretty damn excited about finally copping this palette. I actually got it for about $7, because Walgreens was having some sort of Maybelline sale. I can't be bothered with the details, because I was on a "GOTCHA B!" high, but I think it typically retails for $12-ish in drugstores.

Here's a close-up look at the shadows and swatches of all of the colors. The eyeshadows are almost evenly split between matte and shimmery finishes, which is a pretty bomb and refreshing find. AIN'T NOBODY THAT WANTS ALL SHIMMERY SHADOW PALETTES, COSMETIC COMPANIES. STOP THE INSANITY.

The matte colors (with the exception of the base/highlight shade) would also all be perfect doubling as brow powders, which is always a nice bonus.

I decided to do a mini head-to-head challenge pitting The Nudes against Urban Decay's OG Naked Palette. The color schemes are pretty similar, so I devoted one eyeball to each palette, and used my wee wee brain (and a camera) to document the differences. (Side note: Please ignore my scaly ass eyelid. I'm using a new skin treatment, and it wants my skin to be dry like whoa.)

I tried to pick similar colors in both palettes to create an as-close-to-identical eye as possible. The verdict? Crazy close, non?

There are a few major differences that I noticed between the two palettes. The spendy ass UD shadows are a lot softer and more blend-y, but almost to a fault. As you can see on the UD lid, the shadows almost blend together a little TOO well, if you know what I'm sayin'. On the other hand, the Maybelline shadows are pretty chalky in texture, but the colors almost seem richer than their more expensive comrades. (The exception were with the lighter/highlighting shades. Those weren't very vibrant. At all.)

Bottom line -- I'm not going to blow smoke up ye olde bung-hole and say, "OWROWIQRJF IT'S JUST LIKE A ONE BILLION DOLLAR PALETTE! WHEEEE!" But, it's really damn great for drugstore eyeshadows. And in some ways it's even better. It's definitely worth them handful of bones, for serious.

So now you can feel free to spend your cash flow on country clubs, strip clubs, or wherever you want, ya' freak bitch!



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Drugstore Beauty Haul (With A Dash Of Sephora)

I kind of bought a lot of shit last week, so I decided to make a haul video, even though I kind of hate them. So here's nine minutes of your time that you'll never get back, but check it out if you want to see all of the craps that I bought. If not, that's cool.

I guess...I guess I'll just see you around, then.



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Hitting Up Some Revlon Newbies: Bold Lacquer Mascara and Colorstay Moisture Stain

I was in CVS yesterday, buying Father's Day cards about four days too late and armpit razors. (I buy cheap razors that I use exclusively for pit shaving times, because I don't want my spendy shit to get all dulled up with deodorant and junk.) While I was there I, of course, had to peruse the beauty section and see if there were any treasures that I just couldn't live without.

I've really been interested in trying the new Revlon Bold Lacquer Mascara, and all Revlon products were buy one, get one 50% off like woah, so I grabbed one. I decided to go for Blackest Black, because what I am, an infant?

CVS, $7.99

Here's the deal with this mascara: it reportedly adds both length and volume to your lashes, and it seems to get that job done. It's not as volume-inducing as my homie L'Oreal Voluminous mascara, but it's a lot more defining. This baby is not clumpy at all, so if you're firmly in the "I FRIGGIN' HATE CLUMPS SO MUCH" camp, you'll love this. This is not a crazy, fake-looking lashes kind of party, but it's very nice.

Because it was a BOGO(ish) deal going on, I had to pick up another product to try. I chose the Colorstay Moisture Stain in LA Exclusive, because it was pink and pretty and I love the packaging.

CVS, $9.99

This product is different than any other lip deal I've used before. The texture is really, really similar to a long-wear matte liquid lipstick, but it's moisturizing and gloss-like. It was kind of weird for me at first, and takes a little getting used to, but I like the look of the gloss a lot.

Plus, after the gloss wears off (or you blot it) you're left with a bit of color, like a lip stain. It's probably even more bold if you choose a darker shade. I like it, and I really would like to try some of the other colors in this formula.

 So I might have to go hit up that almost BOGO CVS sale. Just one more time.

I have a problem.

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Drugstore Beauty: A Sassy Ass Spring Refresher For Just $20

It's officially Spring, you guys. So that means it's time to get our beauty shit so fresh and so clean, clean. But mostly just fresh.

With seasonal changes, I usually like to get some of that new new to spruce up my makeup flair, but due to broke ass-inducing circumstances like having to pay boring taxes and one of my dogs having to have double knee surgery, that cash flow game is pretty damn tight. So I decided to try to keep it affordable and spend $20 at the drugstore, just to find a few key things to help Stella get her groove back on the cheap.

This is seriously the state of one of my local drugstore beauty aisles. Was there a zombie apocalypse involving shitloads of liquid eyeliner and I was completely unaware? And if you wanted to buy a mascara here, you had to go get a clerk to unlock a anti-theft deal to get to it. Is mascara now pots o' gold? Am I unwittingly living on Riker's Island? Too much, drugstore. Too much. Regardless of what kind of effery was going on, as you can see I effectively spent my twenty dollars. Plus a couple of extra dollars. Whatever. I'm no Suze Orman. Here's what I ending up getting:

The one thing that I knew I wanted to get this Spring was an orange-y hued lipstick. Every beauty publication in the universe (seriously, google it) is saying that this is THE COLOR YOU MUST HAVE ON YOUR LIPS OR YOU'LL DIE OR SOMETHING, so who am I to buck the system? I also knew I wanted to get something matte, because that's my deal, so I was delighted to find the bright orange (with a touch of red) NYX Matte Lipstick in Indie Flick. It's a damn dream.

Because I wanted to keep the focus on that bangin' ass lip color, I wanted to keep the rest of my face as neutral as Switzerland (or Sweden if you're Jessica Alba). I've been dying to try the Maybelline Color Tattoo Dare to Go Nude Collection, so I settled on Sleek & Spice, which is a taupe with a dab of metallics. This isn't my first go-round with Color Tattoo shadows. I really love them because they're a gel-like texture, but DO NOT CREASE like a pair of linen pants at a Southern wedding. They're great. And you can layer them with powder shadows. Get on this train.

I next found the adorable cobalt blue turban/headband thing, and my day was made. I have roughly two billion of these because they cover a multitude of unfortunate circumstances, like my huge forehead and dirty hair. I hoard these things. I'm kind of like Brett Michaels and his bandanas about it.

Once I got that little guy, I was kind of on the blue kick, even though I am not a matcher in any part of my life. Either way, I fell in love with, not a stripper, but this Sally Hansen Xtreme Wear in Pacific Blue polish. It's GD lovely. Bonus: I only used one coat and it was completely opaque. Yay for lazy enabling!

Here's the finished product of my Spring-y reboot.

I'm super happy with how I spent my twenty spot. I would have probably just spent it on brokedown mall gumball machines anyway. What are you guys craving for Springtime beauty stuffs? Tell me what else I can buy.

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The Best Beauty Unicorns You Could Possibly Buy For Under $13

Thirteen is a random ass number to choose, I'm super aware. I wanted to try to keep this sh*t under $10, but there are some products that I really wanted to include, and they were a teensy bit over the ten spot mark. Get off my jock; I do what I want.

The Best Products to Get Those Peepers Poppin' Off Like Champagne Bottles.

You guys will have non mf-ing factor levels of surprise when I tell you that Maybelline Expert Eyes Twin Brow & Eye Pencils in Blonde (drugstore.com, $2.99 for two pack) is my number one pick. I literally talk about these things all the time. People are like, "Hey Sex, what time is it?" And I'm all, "You really should try these Maybelline brow pencils, then your brows will always be on time." ZING! (With bonus points for a light Ashanti/Ja Rule reference.)

I recommend blonde to every-damn-body, regardless of hair color, then darkening up with eyeshadow or brow powder if necessary. The only exception are m'ladies with darker skin tones. Opt for one of the slightly darker pencils in that case.

Runner Up: I am creeper-levels into the new L'Oreal Paris Voluminous Butterfly Mascara (Target, $7.99). It's like my old school homegirl L'Oreal Voluminous on 'roids. Try it. It's the sauciest minx.

Bonus Bonus: Jesus take the wheel, I can't stop telling you about eye stuffs. I have to mention the SEPHORA COLLECTION Waterproof Smoky Cream Liner (Sephora, $12), or I would be the queen of the b-words and a total liar face. This is the PERFECT formula for that annoying ass waterline lining, and the price is right, beyotch.

Skin as Smooth as Silk in This Mean Mug.
 

There are few things that I love more than a sumptuous ass body oil that doesn't smell like an infant, and SheaMoisture Argan Oil & Raw Shea Bath, Body & Massage Oil (Target, $10.29) beyond fits the bill. It's really, really moisturizing and smells like a freshly-bathed hippie.

That's one of the positives of this stuff, just in case it was unclear.

Runner Up: If I need even MORE moisture on my skin organ (bleh), I always use Palmer's Cocoa Butter (CVS, $6.29). ALWAYS. It's like butter in a bottle that smells vaguely chocolatey. Like you've been frolicking along the Willy Wonka chocolate river, and somehow your skin has been replaced by the velvet from Violet's dress.

The BEST Bad B Nail Polish.

If you are ever feeling slightly blah-like, Floss Gloss in Stun (Floss Gloss, $8) on your finger guns is the cure. It's like a disco ball got it on with the yellow brick road. There is not a better glitter polish in this galaxy. Trust.

Runner Up: Whenever I'm feeling like Lil' Kim circa 1997 and I need my fingernails to match my mood, I get all up on Wicked from Essie (Essie, $8.50). It's a really deep and dark burgundy that gives zero effs about anything. For badasses only.

Give Yourself a Clean Slate.

Just in case you didn't get the latest newsletter from Lazies News of The World, I'm crazy lazy. Because of this character weakness, I really love to use Koh Gen Do Cleansing Spa Water (Sephora, $13) to clean up the mess that is my day's makeup after it's curtains on the day. This stuff is insanely gentle on your skin and causes exactly 0.0000 irritation. It's for the times I can't really be held responsible for actually washing my face like an actual adult.

Runner Up: When it comes to cleansing face wipes, I'm really about that Burt's Bees Facial Cleansing Towelettes with White Tea Extract (Drugstore.com, $4.49) life. They get the job done while being gentle as baby cherub wing kisses.

Getting a Whole Lotta Lip Service.

If bold and beautiful lips are your goal in life, then CoverGirl Lip Perfection Lipstick in Spellbound (Drugstore.com, $7.49) needs to get in your makeup bag, STAT. It's the kind of lip color that people will stop you mid-brunched out mimosa sip and ask you where the hell you got that lipstick.

Runner Up: Looking for the lip equivalent of a hot pair of nude heels? Then you really need to get on the L'Oreal Colour Riche in Sheer Linen (Target, $7.99) bandwagon. (Surely, one exists.) It's moisturizing as eff, while giving you that whole "your lips, but better" deal.

Now go enjoy getting your beauty on for the cheapness, and save that change in your pocket for more wine times.

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If I Were an Octopus, These Are the 8 Beauty Products I'd Hold All the Time

There are a million beauty products out there, and I feel like I've tried at least 78% of them. And don't get me wrong, I love a lot of products, but these are my mandatory must-haves. I LOVE THESE BABY MOTHERS. I NEVER LET THEM GO.

#1 -- True Red Lipstick
 

kat von d everlasting love liquid lipstick in outlaw, $19 (sephora)

Please believe my ass when I tell you this -- nothing will take your facial area from "meh" to "cha-ching" like an amazing red lipstick. NOTHING. And this beaut is my hands-down ride or die b*tch. It stays on like a mofo, and it's matte. Which means, if you want it to be not-so-matte, you just put a creamy red lipstick over, and then IT STAYS AND ISN'T FLAT. Say somthin' now. 

#2 -- Eyeshadow Primer

urban decay eyeshadow primer potion, $20

Sometimes I feel like it's possible that I might die with the good word of UD's Primer Potion on my lips. Like, that's how f*cking much I talk about this stuff. But I literally could not wear a friggin' dot of eye makeup without it, so I press on. If you are oily, or have any issue with your eye makeup fading or shifting, and you don't use this sh*t, then I can't even with you anymore. GET THIS.

#3 -- Beige-y Blonde Brow Pencil for Any Hair Color

maybelline expert eyes twin brow & eye pencils in blonde, $2.39 (drugstore.com)

 Lemme tell you a little something about brow pencils, mmmkay? I don't give two effs what color your hair is, you need to use a blonde/ashy-colored brow pencil. Use the pencil to shape your brow, then fill it in with a brow powder (or even an eyeshadow, I don't give a damn) that somewhat matches your hair color. PLEASE don't use a black brow pencil because you have black hair. TRUST ME, I'VE BEEN THERE, GOT THE HORRIFIC PICTURES TO PROVE IT. DON'T MAKE ME SHOW YOU. Your face (and all the eyeballs of the world) will thank you.

#4 -- Gel/Cream Waterproof Eyeliner 

sephora waterproof smoky cream liner in matte black, $12

On the real, HOW DO I LIVE WITHOUT THIS SH*T for the lower lash waterline and in-between upper lashes? Short answer: I effing don't. I apply this with a thin eyeliner brush by wiggling it between my eyelashes, and it makes them look roughly 4095830% fuller. This is one of those makeup steps that if I skip it, people are all, "Why do you look so tired?" And I'm like, "Eff you," then I go put it on, because those dicks are right. Plus, it's the only thing that I've ever used that stays on my waterline. You can pry it from my cold, dead hands. P.S. If you do that, I will haunt you. And it won't be the old man from the amusement park, either.

#5 -- Body Oil

spectrum organic unrefined coconut oil, $9.99 (the vitamin shoppe)

I'm just not that into body lotion, you guys. It makes my ass (and arms and back and legs) feel filmy, and homie don't play that.

I like to use coconut oil, because it has one billion uses, so you super get your money's worth. But I also mix it with body lotion if I'm into that crap that day. (I'm a fickle b*tch.) I'm also not exclusive with coconut oil, either. (SLUT!) I'll really use any body oil that doesn't smell like babies. Even babies don't want to smell like babies.

#6 -- Gradual Tan Body Lotion

jergens glow foaming daily moisturizer in medium to tan, $8.69 (target)

I have a weird thing with being tan/being not tan. I really love pale skin, and I hate the sun (save for the whole "that b keeps us alive" thing), but sometimes I like tans on my legs, but not on my face.



And this ish is my boss b*tch for a few reasons -- it's not lotion-y (see above) or heavy, it dries fast, and you can control your level of bronze to a non-crazy level. (GET OUT OF HERE, CHRISTINA AGUILERA!) Oh, and it's like $10. GET ON MY SKIN.

#7 -- Black Liquid Liner

vs makeup graphic liner pen, $14 (victoria's secret)

What are your feelings on liquid eyeliner? Are you scared of that sh*t? Because your ass shouldn't be. I wear liquid liner pretty much every day, and that doesn't mean I'm Amy Winehouse-ing the hell out of myself on the reg. You can use it just like you would a pencil liner, including smudging it up before it dries. It's just bolder and lasts longer on my oily mess of a face. My favorite type is a fine felt-tipped pen like the VS one above that I'm currently using. It's waaay easier to control than one of those brush deals, and much better for lazies than that bullsh*t you have to dip in a well like you're penning a friggin' letter to Ponce de Leon in the 15th century.

#8 -- (Fullish) Powder Foundation

mac studio fix powder plus foundation, $27

 Hey, have you guys heard the sh*tty word that I'm oily as f*ck? Oh, yeah, I think I've mentioned it.

 

Ryan Gosling -- making eye rolling adorable since 1980. (Yes, I googled his birthday. Get off me.) Anyway, due to this extreme oily situation, I oftentimes need to use a powdered foundation for a couple of reasons. I initially use it as a primer, as in after moisturizer and before liquid foundation, just to set up a barrier between the oil factory that are my pores and more liquid particles. I also carry this boo thang in my purse for touch ups, because it's a little more substantial than some thin and flimsy powder. I've used it for years on years on years, and it's on my dream team.

Well, I'm fresh out of legs. (Tentacles? Testicles? All of the above?) What would your asses hold if you were an octopus? Oh, and let's get real. If I really were an octopus, this would totally be me.

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Beauty Sh*t That Reminds Me of My Favorite Lovah, Wine.

Wine is the ish, you guys. And so beauty mess that reminds me of my ride-or-die b, wine, is the ish, by proxy. Doy. And now that I have your attention (WINE) and I'm drinking (WINE), let's get this party started. But not with P!nk. I'm not that drunk. (Yet.)

My favorite wine-inspo category is probably the nail variety. Wine nails are effin' hot, y'allz. They're vampy and sexy, and make my ass feel glamorous, which is kind of a hard thing to do. I'm trash.

essie in recessionista (target, $7.79) & revlon top speed in forbidden (drugstore.com, $3)

I've already told you homies about the deal with Essie's Recessionista, but it's worth repeating. To me, it's a true wine color. It's not as dark as some wine-y polishes, and it's super classy -- if that's your bag o' tricks. I'm you are a tad darker, and maybe a cheap ass --



then Revlon's Top Speed in Forbidden might be for you. It's goth, hot, and dries fast. (Three things I look for in a dude...NO!) Plus, it's $3 right now on drugstore.com, so go snatch that ish, crazy brains.

elizabeth arden beautiful color radiance blush in plum perfection, $26

The Elizabeth Arden peeps sent over some of their new blush colors for me to try, and I'm super into this one. It's called Plum Perfection, so it's not REALLY wine, but I'm sure you can get plum wine...somewhere. This blush has the tiniest hint of glimmer, and it's very subtle, so you can use it and not feel like you belong in the Insane Clown Posse. (If ICP were really into wearing heavy blush, or something.) But the color is really cool and different, so I'm into it. Just keep it to the apples of your cheeks to keep from looking like you were somehow squeezed into an 80's time capsule.

tarte lipsurgence matte lip tint in envy, $24

I got this tarte LipSurgence somewhere, at some point in time (I can't be held to remembering actual THINGS), and I live for this sh*t. I really love tarte lip products because they are minty and fabulous. And I REALLY love this stuff because it's what Kat Dennings wears on 2 Broke Girls, and I want to borderline Single White Female that b. It lasts a long time, and you can also apply and blot if you want a more demure, stain-y look. (But who the eff does?!?)

Okay, that's it, mofos. I'm all wined out. (NEVAAAAR!)

 Pssshhh. No sh*t.




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Drugstore Mofo's That Totally Live Up to The Hype

Listen. Nobody feels like spending an eff load of money on crap, when you can get great stuff on the cheap. The problem is, a lot of times with beauty sh*t you really do get what you pay for. But there are couple of really badass products that you can pick up at your favorite low-end retailer (Sorry Target, CVS, wherever the hell.) that work just as well -- if not better -- than that fancy pants mess.

l'oréal elnett extra stronghold hairspray (target, $12.99)

Wait -- why in gorgeous b hair hell did I wait until just now to try L'Oreal Elnett hairspray? And the sad part is, I got this in my Allure Best of Beauty swag, and it's been sitting in my apartment for, like, ever. What a complete douche I am. I've been using a higher-end hairspray for quite a while, and it really worked just fine. But I was digging through all of my sh*t the other day and came across this baby, and decided to see what all of the damn fuss was about. And there is a lot of fuss. This stuff is known as the cheap(er) industry favorite, and hairstylists love it, sometimes on the DL. (That's down low to you youngsters.) So I tried it, and son of a sh*t, it's really awesome. It's the finest-misting hairspray that I've ever used. I was originally a little put off by the whole "extra stronghold" mess, but this stuff is NOT Aquanet. It holds your styling, but is 100% brushable. I AM IN LOVE. GET IT.

l'oreal voluminous mascara (target, $5.84)

Okay, so I didn't realize until just this second that both of my picks come from L'Oreal. I didn't plan that ish. Truth. And I know that I've talked about L'Oreal Voluminous Mascara before, but it should be talked about often -- sh*t's the sh*t. Don't get me wrong, I love the expensive mascara as much as the next shallow gal, but this druggie(store) goodie is pretty much my favorite (or at least top two-ish), regardless of price. This is some ride-or-die b type lash stuff, right here. We're talking full, creamy (bleh), really volumizing mascara. Yaaaaas. Why get all expensive and fancy when that crap's not necessary? Not on my watch, people. Not on my watch.

Pinch 'dem pennies, baby.



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