Showing posts with label Annoying People. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Annoying People. Show all posts

Monday, March 28, 2016

Leave Me Be, Instagram Celebrities: These Are The Only Things Want Notifications About

Everyone is losing their GD collective minds today on Instagram.

Apparently, one of the best apps to spy on c-list celebrity vacations is changing its algorithm tomorrow, showing whatever the shit it thinks will be most important to you first, instead of chronological postings. Or something. I can't really be bothered to research the details, but this has prompted an ONSLAUGHT OF FOOLISHNESS.

A photo posted by Ashley Tisdale (@ashleytisdale) on

Every human on earth now wants you to turn on notifications for their boring-ass Instagram postings. Or else you might find yourself caught unawares of what is happening in Lori Loughlin's life. Can you imagine? Prepare for your world to be in actual shambles. So please make sure that you co-sign on getting constant popups on your phone, or you'll never know that Ian Ziering had some sliced grapefruit for breakfast.

As for me, I want to have exactly zero notifications about anything in life. Unless any of the following things happen:

Melissa Joan Hart stars in a Lifetime movie wherein she rides a mini horse.

Swan's Crossing comes back on.** 

Jon Hamm inquires over my whereabouts because he wants to take me to Applebee's.

Shannen Doherty has a yard sale and is selling some prototypes of Brenda Walsh Collection Clip-On Bangs™.

There's a baby koala on my doorstep and he doesn't have a key to get in.

The wine store goes out of business and is like, "Hold on to your butts, here's a ton of free wine."

Any and all news relating to Mother May I Sleep with Danger? 

If it's none of the above, leave me the hell alone and I'll see your picture of clouds that look like a kitten when I see it.

**I challenge you to find a lower quality video on the internet.

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Thursday, January 29, 2015

Baby Bieber Sent Himself To Time-Out, Is Now Sorry

Did Biebs make this video after a good nap and tum tum full of Koala Yummies™, or something? Because he is pretty, pretty emo over being such a bad b for the past year or so, and wants you to know that that isn't the real him. He was just playing it up for a role on a "ripped from the headlines" version of Law & Order: SVU where toddlers throw tantrums for a year, maybe. I don't know his life.

So, all we know about the real and mysterious Mr. Bieber (old sport) is that he cares about people and emphatically uses the f-word. Totes kewl.

Play on, Sir Biebs, play on. I guess. I can't really be bothered right now.

I'll be back when I'm feeling more spirited. Until next time.

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Thursday, October 16, 2014

Hide Your Lady Flowers, Robin Thicke Is Back On The Prowl

I hate everything about this picture. You need to know that.

According to Page Six, Master Thicke (many dry heaves abound) threw himself an endlessly classy Divorce Party last Friday, where ". . . he was in great spirits, and put on a mix of music including pop, hip-hop, older stuff from the ’90s and soul. Everyone was dancing until past 3 a.m." Thanks for the playlist and sched, anonymous source of boring. Also, using the phrase "older stuff from the '90s" is troubling to my brain.

But that's not all. LEONARDO MF-ING DICAPRIO was there to assist in the popping of the bottles and whatever-ing of the models. He was probably blowing vapor ciggie smoke all up in that bitch. And you KNOW that Leo wore that damn hat. He had to. The dress code was douche casual.

Whatever, Robin. Slang that thang all over the globe and see if we care. We're all collectively too busy for your shit with preparing our Halloween costumes. I've already called being this kid, so everyone else can get off his jock, that costume is officially taken. I WROTE IT ON THE SIGN-UP SHEET.

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