Wednesday, January 13, 2016

The Best Things To Wear With Your Hard Rock Cafe T-Shirt

pic via etsy

At the pinnacle of '90s glamour, there was one clothing staple -- the Hard Rock Cafe t-shirt. Whether you selected the classy combo of white, flat gold, and chocolate brown colorations, or something a little more avant garde (like above), you had to have one of these mofos.

Once you had chosen your fine treasure, you would then be confronted with the biggest and most important decision in your life -- no, not what to name your future children or your adult career path -- how to wear your fancy HRC tee. Here is your style guide.


Because who doesn't love to hear their thighs swish about, singing the songs of the south(ern parts of your body)?

Knee-Length, Cuffed Bongo Shorts

pic via ebay

 To simultaneously highlight and smoosh your kneecaps.

A T-Shirt Ring

Bonus points for tortoiseshell, because it's classy as eff.

A Blossom Hat

When crushed velvet and gigantic faux foliage collide, the world wins.

A 29' Woven Leather Belt

It can never be long enough.

Slouch Socks

Warning: there are a lot of fetish pictures of slouch socks, so don't google that shit.

Keds with Those Curly Shoestrings


A Shitload of Tendrils

The thinner the tendril, the closer to Satan.

Or a Rat Tail

Actual Satan?

With a Crystal Pepsi in Your Hand

Because this tasted like cream soda made a baby with cola flavors, and everyone wants to sip on that.

The Sounds of "Cantaloop (Flip Fantasia)" in Your Ear Holes

I still have this CD single. It was the best dollar I ever spent.

Along With These in Your Ear Holes

These are timeless earring MVPs.

This concludes the most useless thing you'll read today. Or in your extended-by-cutting-edge-technology-well-into-your-100s lifetime. Bye.

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