Friday, January 31, 2014

10 Fierce Hair Times in Beverly Hills, 90210 History

Real talk -- I formed roughly 99.9% of my opinions in life from watching Beverly Hills, 90210. There are so many amazingly horrible things to soak up from the ten years of that show, that I could fill an entire blog with all of the wonders of that world.

One of the best and worst things about 90210? THE HAIR. Now, click through so we can talk about all of the glory and the madness that made up the best moments in 90210 hair history.

 #10 -- Emily Valentine's Horrid Haircut

What kind of bullsh*t is this, seriously? Homegirl looks crazier than when she burned down the Homecoming float. It looks like this mess of a mess was done with left-handed safety scissors. She really should have just burned this haircut. Like, to the ground.

Level Of Fabulous: Lunchable turkey meat. At least it has rainbows?

#9 -- Donna Martin's Hair At ANY Moment

Dammit, Donna Martin never could fully get her sh*t together, especially when it came to that mess on her head. It was usually bleached within an inch of her hair follicles giving their two-week notice and quitting that b*tch. Someone get her some V05 Hot Oil, stat.

Level Of Fabulous: Getting a bad perm from the mall that never, ever ends.

#8 -- Steve's Full-On Curllet (That's Curly Mullet)

If there was one thing that you could depend on from 90210 for all ten years, for better or worse, it was Steve's curly ass mop. Dude's hair was like our gateway drug to man curls of the future. I'm looking at you, Timberlake.

Level Of Fabulous: Eating ramen that you didn't let boil long enough and still has crunchy parts.

#7 -- David's Douche Nozzle 'Do

I have a serious love/hate relationship with David Silver and his magestically tragic hair. On one hand, he's kind of a chode. On the other hand, it's one of those I-hate-you-so-much-I-love-you type of deals. Much like Davey's hair, it's an enigma. None of this can be explained.

Level Of Fabulous: This.

#6 -- Clare's Try-Hard Effery

You never knew week-to-week what you would find resting upon Clare's head. Crazy braids? Crimped bullsh*t? Weird, chunky highlights? Sure, anything went, because Clare was totally DTF(up her own hair).

Level Of Fabulous: Digging through the Claire's Boutique clearance bin circa 1995.

#5 -- Toni's Gorgeous Curls Of Glory

Not only was Toni married to my beloved Dylan, but she also had some of the most beautiful f*cking hair I've ever seen in my long and boring life. You know that she was one of those b's that washed their hair once every four months and was all, "Oh, I just woke up this way." Rude.

Level Of Fabulous: That amazing and scary tingle-burn that Noxema gave your face.

#4 -- Dylan's Sexy Retro Hair

I would have sold my soul for just one tousle of Dyl Dyl's man rug. It was half James Dean, half Chess King sale rack, and 100% glorious. RIP, sexy dude hair.

Level Of Fabulous: Chris Isaak "Wicked Game" level of sex.

#3 -- Gina's Shiny Ass Mane

Gina's hair was everything you would want on your head: thick, shiny, and sans terrible 90s highlights. She had those locks that you could picture her brushing 1,000 times every night with one of those old-timey silver brushes. The kind of sh*t that you would flip in someone's face as you walked away after saying, "Oh, that's rich coming from you." In other words, perfect.

Level Of Fabulous: Ariel hair.

#2 -- Kelly's Semi-Mullet Cut

The only reason that this Kelly look is so high on my list is because she's annoying, so her bad haircut was like a gift in life. Kelly's hair was almost always beautiful and silky as eff, but she eventually caved into the pressure of getting a horribly 90s almost mullet. Silent cheers all around.

Level Of Fabulous: Kelly being in a cult.

#1 -- Brenda's Bad B*tch Blunt Bangs

OF COURSE BRENDA'S BANGS ARE NUMBER ONE. Have you seen those mofos? They're perfection served up on a silver platter. Zooey Deschanel should be sending Shannen Doherty weekly hand-written thank you notes for being a bang inspiration to this world.

Level Of Fabulous: Getting slapped by RuPaul.

Am I missing any extreme 90210 hair cases? Fill the comments up with your thoughts on Beverly Hills tresses.

Pin It

No comments :

Post a Comment